I know this is a question people have because I’ve wondered that myself when I first started seeing my therapist (and my clients do ask me this occasionally). It’s no secret that I have a therapist of my own.
I value the importance of doing my own inner work in order to keep myself in check, and be available and recharged to support my clients in their inner work.
My philosophy with therapy is that I think everyone can benefit from it. I don’t know my blind spots so I thought why not be supported by an objective person who I believe I can trust and allows me to talk about the things I’m feeling and thinking without judgement?
Now, notice that I have pointed out the need for trust and non-judgement to exist in a therapeutic relationship. I think it’s important for me to point this out because I personally have worked with therapists who have not provided that space for me to feel safe enough to open up. For me, certain therapists I’ve seen were just not a fit. They didn’t seem to understand me and/or couldn’t provide me with that space to explore and understand myself.
A therapeutic relationship is dynamic, so it’s okay to take time to find someone who fits best for you (for those trying out therapy for the first time, ask for a consultation call so you can ask how that therapist practices, types of individuals the therapist works with, and see if that therapist is a good fit for you. Read more about the therapy process here)
In my search for a therapist, I came upon my therapist through a recommendation from a friend. I had always wanted to figure out how my childhood trauma impacted my life and the relationship patterns I keep finding myself repeating—with romantic interests, my family, and my friends. I had my therapist’s phone number (tucked away in my journal) for about a year before I decided to make the call. I called because I had finally been pushed to the edge of my emotional cliff and I couldn’t cope anymore after the ending of a 6 year relationship, starting my first social work job, in the process of buying my own condo, and feeling lost about where life was going to lead me. So, as you can see, my goal in exploring my childhood trauma may not seem to connect directly to all of these life changes and transitions I was experiencing at the time I started therapy.
I’ve been in therapy for more than 4 years as of 2018 and I continue to see my therapist at least once a month to check-in. I’m still working on myself and moving forward from my own rigid thinking patterns, critical self-talk, perfectionism, people pleasing, imposter syndrome, anxiety, and pushing down my feelings.
As for what I talk to my therapist about, I discuss issues I experience in my personal life and ways where I don’t feel good enough or unloveable, and my therapist supports me by helping me practice ways to challenge my old thinking patterns, learning to be self compassionate, normalizing and validating my feelings and experiences as well as teaching me how to set boundaries.
At the end of the day, we’re all human, aren’t we? There’s so much more I still have to learn about myself and work on for myself. I’ve benefited from what therapy has illuminated for me about myself, and also know that knowledge is power even if that power means there isn’t always a solution or action to be taken, and growth can come with some discomfort. I hope you’ll give yourself the chance to learn more about what therapy can do for you and help you move forward in your life!
For those of you who want to start on your own therapy journey, book a free 15 minute consultation phone call.
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